Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
