So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
