Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
