remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
cat food counts as protein by the way
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
