Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think i have two assholes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
