i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Found the puke drawer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
