all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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