My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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