She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
