dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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