Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
