4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
