Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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