U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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