Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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