I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
