What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
