i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's blow job season.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
