what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
