I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
