We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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