cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
