i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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