Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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