That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
