I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
