There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
