Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
