you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
