I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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