I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
