U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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