The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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