god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
