they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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