So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Drunk is not a location!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
