Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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