the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
