Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
