Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
