god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
