Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
