we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
