What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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