He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
