last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
