Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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