I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
