I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
