You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
